Mustache Sunglasses

Stacheforge wants to make its readers aware of these sweet sunglasses featuring a built-in fake mustache.

A fake mustache is NEVER a substitute for a real one, but for people who can't grow a proper mouthhat, these glasses will allow you to show proper respect for the mustachioed.

American Mustache Institute Interview With Aaron Rogers

Stacheforge reader Ben Palmer sent us a link to a CBS Sports article discussing the on-again-off-again presence of lipfur on Superbowl-winning quarterback Aaron Rogers. The American Mustache Institute did an interview with Rogers, where he acknowledges the realization of his lifelong goal to be a mustachioed American:

David Tatro, Madison, WI

Nice stache, David! Wow, check out that heavyweight-championship-contender mouthdrape! These two pictures were taken at different times, though incredibly in the same location, facing the same wall. This allows us fervent Stacheforge readers to appreciate the subtle evolution of a mustache over its lifetime. The quiet robustness of the earlier stache matures into the longer and less cohesive version of the later stache. Best of all, each of these photographs feature a picture of alopecia-style, evil bizarro David in the photograph over his shoulder, locked away safely like General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone.

Goodness gracious, that mouth-mane looks like it is ready to step off of his face and street-fight a pair of hoodlums. In the second picture, it looks like he just ate a donut dusted with the white ashes of his mortal enemies, who vaporized under the intensity of that manly lipcover. Perhaps David had a nasty accident involving peroxide, or else got in an accident like that kid from that song from the 90s.

Stacheforge is very sad to inform its readers, however, that this telling of the life story of a worthy lip-hood is also a eulogy, because David reports that he shaved off that bad boy after taking the second photograph. As we've said before, Stacheforge supports the right of all mustaches to live proudly upon their caretaker's lips, and we cannot condone the destruction of any mustache whatsoever. Nevertheless, this was a good mustache which lived a good life, even if it was -- ahem -- cut short.

Chris Rinard, Anchorage, Alaska

Nice Stache, Chris! Up there in Alaska, there's the breed of man who doesn't need a full beard to fight off the cold, blustry winter storms. For this kind of man, one only needs a sweet strip of liphair which dangles menacingly over each mouth-corner like one of those spaceships from Tron. Stacheforge readers might ask themselves why Chris would need sunglasses in a land with so little sunlight that they write songs about it, and the answer is that Chris needs to shade his eyes from the perpetual glow of that incredible facial adornment.

Stacheforge advises Chris to keep allowing the 'stache to have lots of sunlight, which will help it grow.

Girls Have Mustaches, Too

"I’d always figured that by finding a girl with her original mustache that I’d be finding some re-creation of the original woman, like meeting Eve, although probably a lot more enriching than that. Especially since, according to the fossil record, when Eve wasn’t basking in the magnificence of God’s Creation she was probably eating bugs out of old logs with a stick. Even so, finding a girl with a mustache would be finding a girl more likely to make the sort of bad decisions that favored the ruddier and more salacious pleasures of life, like nose-picking and peeing at the side of the road."

Ladies, if you have a sweet 'stache, send us a picture at submit@stacheforge.com.

Markus Matei and Todd Steinhauer, Napa Valley, CA

Nice stache, Markus! Nice stache, Todd! These two suave gentlemen show how different styles of mustaches compliment different styles of fashion.

Markus, on the left, is a German working as a production assistant on the set of a reality television show out there in Napa Valley, where this picture was taken. His mustache goes well with his pressed shirt and fancy pocket pen.

Todd, on the right, is an audio engineer for the same reality television show. His trucker-style mustache matches that special vest, which is reportedly specially built to hold the various audio equipment used in that line of work.

Note how the mustaches even seem to match the looks on the mens' faces. Also note that both men have sunglasses, which perhaps they offer to bystanders who need to shield their eyes from such brilliant and stunning fuzzy facial features. Great mustaches, guys!

On a final note, Stacheforge acknowledges the woman in the background who is photobombing the picture. Her name is Shannon, and she is the production coordinator on the set. We discourage her from her desperate attempts to appear here on Stacheforge until she grows a mustache of her own, although we share her enthusiasm for these two awesome hairy lips.

Frank Yoshida, Seattle, WA

Nice stache, Frank! That thing right there is one fashionable facial feature. According to Mr. Yoshida, this lip coif lived a short life of only one day, as an intermediate step between an unshaven face and a cleanshaven face. That is a pity, because that is a beauty!

Look how carefully Frank trimmed the whiskers to be so even in length and balanced at each corner of his mouth. Clearly Frank has both hirsuteness of face and the dexterity of scissor, so we hope that someday he will reprise this mouth hat. Stacheforge cannot promote the destruction of mustaches, because we believe that every one has a right to live long upon its lip, free from the fear of razor blades and beards. Nevertheless, the life of some mustaches, like this one, are short but beautiful.

As always send pictures of real men with real mustaches to submit@stacheforge.com.